Tragedy and joy

Dr. Naba Sharif reflects on the juxtaposition of tragic and joyful life moments and how both test us to remember the One.My phone rang just as I parked my car into the southern Maryland allergy practice where I work. It was very odd to get a call from my sister so early in the morning, since she knew I would be seeing patients, so I picked up immediately.  The stress was evident in her tone when she said, “Dad’s on the line, mom isn’t waking up!!”In that moment, my heart sank in a way I had never felt it sink before.  In the subsequent hours that followed, we found out that my precious, vivacious, dynamic mother was declared to be in a coma. I remember every moment of that day like it was yesterday. The waiting, the prayers, the tears, the anxiety. Grieving for someone in a prolonged coma is a unique type of grief. It's torture to talk to someone who you love so deeply and not know if they can hear or understand you, and not be able to have them communicate back to you. There are more unknowns than knowns. It's a never-ending struggle between hope and fear, and knowing the reality that with every passing day, less and less can be hoped for.  And after two years of mom fighting like the strong woman she always was, my dear mother passed away two months ago.  Verily to Allah (God, Praise Be to be Him) we belong and to Him we return.Back to that life-altering morning. One more unforgettable thing that happened that day...I found out I was pregnant just an hour before that call. What normally would be happy news to tell my mom suddenly turned unexpectedly jarring. In the days and months that followed, I was confused and mostly tried to make bartering prayers to Allah about reviving my mom if it meant taking the life of my unborn child. I realize it doesn't really work that way at all, but at the time, it was all just so confusing why things were happening the way they were, and I didn't want my child to "replace" my mom, which is how it seemed.

Eight months later, I delivered a precious, vivacious and energetic baby girl whose middle name I named after my mother.  Notably, in the past sixteen months since, she reflects her namesake in so many unique ways.  I believe it’s no coincidence.  Allah is the most miraculous of all Planners. As a mother, I have felt countless episodes of de ja vu while tending to my daughter – recalling moments that I may not have remembered otherwise, of times that my mother gently and lovingly tended to me.  That unconditional love that I felt in my mother’s presence is the love I only now recognize in *all* of its essence as I feel it towards my own daughter.  And in those moments, I pray for my mother in some of the deepest ways I ever have.  I believe this is also no coincidence.

I have been reflecting over the past two years of this continual juxtaposition of tragic and joyful events in life, especially as they have happened more recently in mine. Ramadan increases the time and depth of this reflection many fold.  And I think I've transformed as a person as a result. What I have realized is that life is not meant to be an extreme or constant of happiness...or sadness. Those extremes lend themselves to forgetting our Creator or on the flipside, despair. Life is meant to make us reflect, to show gratitude, to be humble, to prioritize, to be measured, to show patience, to stay grounded, and to always, always remember and trust in the One. We don't have to understand the "why's" of things, but what we do have to do is persevere and always show thankfulness *both* when things go well and when they don't. And in this, there is tremendous beauty.Naba and her siblings set up a LaunchGood campaign to raise funds to educate girls in Hyderabad, India, as a sadaqa jariya (ongoing charity) for their mom. If you'd like to donate, please do so through the local nonprofit directly. All donations in the next 15 days will be for the school in honor of Naba's mom. To read all '30 reflections for our times', please follow the Facebook page '30 days 30 deeds', Instagram @salmahasanali, or subscribe to the newsletter at www.salmahasanali.com.